Pains and Virtues
by JustCallMeMarly
Summary: Carly's POV after Oct 17 episode about her marriage. CarLo implied.


** A/N - this story came immediately into my head as soon as Carly said those wonderful words on Friday (10/17). I couldn't stop thinking about it, so I had to write it. It's in Carly's POV and it's fairly short. Definitely headed in the CarLo direction. Enjoy! **  
  
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Pains and Virtues  
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"You wanted to end our marriage - I'm agreeing. I'm done." There, the words were out. I couldn't take it anymore. I, Mrs. Sonny Corinthos, was done. I was done fighting my husband for - well - my husband. I was done fighting for the one thing that I shouldn't have to fight for.  
  
He still stood there, watching me - acting like I was playing him, manipulating him. The joke's on him then. I'm dead serious. And when I started to walk away, maybe he finally got the hint.  
  
"Okay - wa - wait." What could he possibly say to me now? I agreed with him. I told him that I was okay with his decision. I gave him my blessing. The look on his face told me that he was re-thinking his actions. Or trying to find a way to condemn me for mine, whatever they were. I looked at him, waiting for what he planned on saying next. I reached up to wipe a tear from my face.  
  
"What, Sonny?" He continued to watch me. I laughed inwardly. I made the almighty Sonny Corinthos speechless. All by agreeing with him. If this weren't so goddamn sad, I'd give myself a pat on the back.  
  
"Why - why now?" His voice broke when he asked me that. It was empowering to know that I could get to him. To know that I affected him as much as he affected me. This time, I laughed out loud.  
  
"Sonny - don't you realize what just happened?" I asked, motioning towards the stairs & indicating my son - now safely upstairs. "My son - our son - witnessed this. He listened to us screaming at each other. My god, Sonny - he came to my rescue thinking that you were going to hurt me! Our little boy played referee to US! Now, tell me, Sonny. How is that even remotely healthy?" I was relieved to see Sonny's head hang low in shame.  
  
"He knows, Carly, that I would never hurt you," he said. I shook my head.  
  
"Sonny, that isn't the point," I said. He looked up at me in question. "The point is that Michael was here, listening to us yell. He's heard us before. And if we continue on this way, he will hear us again. I don't want my son growing up like that, do you?" Sonny shook his head again. Making the issue about Michael was the smartest thing I had ever done. Because that's what it should be about. Michael's safety and Michael's well-being. Sonny and I are both selfish people. We rarely think about others when it really counts. Sonny thinks ending this marriage is about saving the baby, Michael and me. Not really. It's about assuaging his guilt. It's about making *him* feel better. Just like my reasons are my own. I can't be in this marriage anymore - for me. *I* am the one that can't take the fights, the mistrust - the hypocrisy. *I* am the one that can't live in a love that destroys. And finally - *finally* - I've opened my eyes. What we both should be saying is that this marriage is over because we can't keep our children in this situation. The love is there, yes. But sometimes - wiser people than I have said it - love just ain't enough. It's enough to make these decisions hard. But it isn't enough for a family to solely survive on.  
  
Sonny and I looked at each other sadly. This is where a marriage started out in hatred ends up. This is where hating each other and then loving each other so much evens out. This is the middle ground. Do we like it? No. But it is where our road together is going to have to end if we want to salvage anything.  
  
"I'm sorry Carly," he said. My heart broke for him. His fears had been the catalyst for this whole sorry excuse of a mess. We'd been happy before Ric happened. Before Lo - *Alcazar* - happened. We both knew, and understood that. If Sonny hadn't gotten the best of himself, would we have made it? I can't answer that. It's true that there were many problems in our marriage without Sonny's fears adding to it. But then, maybe Sonny's fears were our saving grace. Maybe they were pointing out the inevitable and were saving us from a worse situation in the future. At this point, I can only hope that is true.  
  
"I know you're sorry, Sonny. I'm sorry too," I said finally and made my way upstairs to the bedroom. I thought back to earlier in the evening. A meeting - a meeting that I know should have never happened, but I just couldn't help myself. I needed to know if he would come. And he did. It was stupid of me, I know. Yet my subconscious was telling me things I wasn't ready to hear. My first instinct when Sonny had left had been to hurt him as he had hurt me. Then it turned into wanting to make him jealous. Loren - *Alcazar* - had read me perfectly. It had shaken me to my core that someone else, other than Jason, could understand me so well. It was the first time I'd really ever let my guard down around him, and he knew it. If only he knew the rest. If only he knew that when Sonny's plane almost crashed and we were making calls - I wanted to hear his voice. If only he knew that when Sonny was calling out Lily's name in his sleep, I was calling out his in my head. If only he knew that every time we saw each other, I wanted to laugh with him, not hate him. There were a lot of *if only's*. Probably more than I even realized. I smiled to myself as I changed into comfortable pajamas and slipped under the sheets. A part of me was sad that my marriage was done. Yet - there was still that part of me almost eager for it to be over. It was as if that part of me knew that there was happiness out there for me still. That no matter how much I loved my husband, I could love again. But I also knew that there were still things that needed to be done, things needed to be said, things needed to be let go, things needed to be worked through. And it will take time. It will be painful, no doubt. But in the end, we'll all be better people for it. Happiness is waiting out there for me with its blue eyes and beautiful smile. I'm not going to let it get away from me. Not this time. Patience is a virtue, and it is something we both understand very well. We are not patient people by nature, but some things are worth the sacrifice and more. 


End file.
